Trying to make the best out of getting a DUI: retaking the driver's test

*Please note: I am not trying to make getting a DUI humerous. It's not funny. I shouldnt have been drinking and driving and therefore I am taking accountability for my actions. However, even though the situation sucks, I am trying to make the best out of it by keeping a positive attitude and sense of humor regarding some of the tasks I need to do to complete my parole. It's a pain in the ass and I don't recommend getting a DUI to anyone. Get a cab and don't be a dumbass like me!

RETAKING THE DRIVER'S TEST

One of the many MANY steps I have had to take to get my license back is retaking a driver's test. I don't mean just the written exam at the DMV (which I passed with flying colors BAM!) I mean the actual DRIVER'S TEST. The one you take when you are sixteen to get your license.

So first I go and get my PERMIT from the DMV. Now just to get this, it took me three trips because the first time my information wasn't in the system, the second time they didn't have all the necessary paperwork for me to get my permit, and the third time was the charm, I got my permit. Now I had to take the permit to one of those driving school places and take a driving test.

The place I went to was one of those Drive Safe places that teach teenagers how to drive. They don't do it in school anymore. Anyhow, the instructor who would be giving me my test was out washing one of the cars so I just waited. When he arrived and introduced himself, Nicolas, I thought, "total goob." Which he was. I'm not some kind of bully but he was a legitimate goob. Thicker glasses, brown corduroys in ninety degree weather, polo tucked in, goob. He sat down across from me and started filling out my paperwork, I looked around at all the teenage driving paraphenelia on the walls. I spotted the picture of this kid wearing "drunk goggles" to simulate how drinking can affect your driving. "Drunk goggle driving?" I excitedly commented to the instructor, "Too bad they didn't have those when I was learning to drive, maybe I would have learned to drive better drunk and not have gotten a DUI!" No comment.

So we get out on the road. I pointed out a lady who crossed three lanes of traffic after making a left hand turn to show how I was obviously a better driver than her. No comment. Tough crowd. We then drive by the road that leads to my kids school, "Hey, my daughter goes to school down there." "Turn right at the next light." Wow.

After twenty minutes of the most awkward silence I have ever encountered since maybe having a sex talk with my mom when I was thirteen, the test was finally over. Back at the Drive Safe office, I followed Nicholas to a classroom in back and sat down. "You had two violations on your driving test, the most you can have before failing. Do you know what those violations were?" "Ummmm, following too close?" "No, you had two rolling stops. Twice you did not come to a complete stop and rolled backwards, had another car been there you may have struck it." What. I didn't want to play anymore, talk about a kick in the balls to the gal who thought she was a perfect driver. Ouch. I took my paperwork and went back to the DMV and got my new restricted driver's license.

What lesson did I take away from having to retake my drivers test? Nothing. This was seriously the worst $50 I have spent in a long time and this guy takes his job way too seriously. I feel as though Nicolas doesnt get laid and takes his pent up sex drive out on irrelevant nit picky driving habits of others. The man has too much power in his muggy little hands. Can you imagine taking a road trip with this guy? I would end up throwing myself out of his vehicle as we did five miles an hour under the speedlimit in the slow lane, his hands not leaving the ten and two position on the steering wheel at any time.

Speeding Asshead

I work downtown, so everyday I take the lightrail train into work. I park across the street from the station in the "dirt" parking lot to avoid driving around like a maniac looking for an open space in the regular parking lot. There are designated crosswalks to the station from the dirt parking lot. Also, there are signs posted at these crosswalks stating it is STATE LAW THAT ALL CARS MUST YIELD TO PEDESTRIANS. Obviously, not everyone reads these signs. 

Two weeks ago (a Friday because I was happy as I was going out boozing that night), I was crossing the above-mentioned crosswalk. Now mind you, I always, ALWAYS pay attention to the cars coming towards me to make sure they stop for me. Both lanes of traffic are stopped and I'm crossing, I then stop to see if anyone is coming down the turning lane.... out of NOWHERE a red Chevy Silverado truck comes flying around all the stopped cars, driving through the turning lane, and past me, CLIPPING MY PURSE. I stood there for 20 seconds catching my breath and wondering if I needed to go home to change my underwear. 

Back to today, doing my thing, getting ready to cross the same street, same time, watching out for cars. The SAME RED TRUCK comes hauling ass down the street, swerves around a car that is slowing down for the crosswalk, HONKS AT THE TURNING CAR, then continues hauling ass down the street. Luckily, I wasn't in the street yet, so I watched where this douchebag was going in such a hurry. Low and behold, he pulled into the lightrail parking lot. I watched him. I prepared myself. I waited for him.

He was short, fat, dirty. He was carrying a cooler and a Wal-mart bag. I asked him in my little girl voice, "Excuse me sir, do you drive a red truck?" (FYI, I have one of the sweetest voices around, I've been told this numerous times.)

"One of them, why?" Ahhhh, yes, he IS a dick.

I then laid into him. "BECAUSE YOU ALMOST RAN ME OVER TWO WEEKS AGO IN THE CROSSWALK YOU ASSHOLE! YOU NEED TO SLOW DOWN IN THE PEDESTRIAN CROSSING AREA!"

"I did slow down!" he said as he is walking away from me as quickly as he can, his pants creeping up his butt. I continue to follow him.

"NO YOU DID NOT AND YOU ALMOST HIT ME. I AM GOING TO REPORT YOU TO RTD AND THE POLICE. YOU NEED TO SLOW THE FUCK DOWN ASSHOLE!!!"

"Do what you need to do!" he says over his shoulder as he's jumping on the train.


So I did what I needed to do: I took pictures of his truck and license plate and reported him to the Sheriff's office. I am currently waiting for a call back. Lesson: don't fuck with my friends, my family, and do not fuck with me!